Sometimes I hear the wind whisper your laugh.
I look at the rays of sun and I feel your smile. It's disturbing and comforting at the same time...
I made a promise to keep Tony's memory alive forever. I want the people who were lucky enough tho know Tony, never forget him.
And the ones that never did wish they had...
"PLEASE PASS THIS PAGE ON TO OTHERS."
"I HOPE TONY'S DEATH WILL HELP SAVE THE LIFE OF SOMEONE'S CHILD."
Love Tony's Mom
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"COMPOSED BY TONY'S SISTER LIZ
I have been thinking lately. Ever seen American Beauty? It痴 a movie. Well the main character is sort of stuck in life and pretty miserable.
And in some freak insight, he becomes who he wants to be. Who he is.
He learns to live again. Then, he dies. Just like that.
But not before he had those wonderful moments of just being alive and liking it.
How many of us really, truly have that all the time? Or even sometimes? Not many.
Sometimes it feels like life is just life. And it kinda sucks.
In a weird way I知 kinda glad Tony did heroin. He could have died at any time in his life.
He could of died when he was younger, anytime, with the way he lived life. But he decided to try heroin. He absolutely hated needles.
But, he used them to get high because he desperately needed the feeling it gave him.
It made him feel alive. He fell in love,
he started getting a little closer to his family, he started hugging, he started saying I love you.
It was so nice to have Tony back. After all the times when life for him was miserable.
He had feelings, not just bad ones, hurt ones, sad ones, mad ones. He now knew how to love and to accept love.
I知 so glad he got to experience those sensations, emotions, living. He could have never done that.
I知 so sorry that he died, and the way that he died.
But, I知 glad he was able to feel alive before he died.
So many people die and never get to feel that. I知 sorry that he died at all, but it helps a little knowing he lived before he died.
I love my brother and I miss him so much and I wish that something, somewhere that he could still be alive right now
so I could see his grin and hear his voice, because I really do miss him.
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"COMPOSED BY TONY'S BROTHER JAMES IN 1998"
Do you know how it feels to lose your big brother? It's not like getting punched in the face.
It hurts inside. It hurts in my memories.
The pain is so different than any other I have felt in my life. It's not a pain I am good at expressing.
None of my friends see it. Rarely, my family sees it.
But I feel it everyday.
Everyday I walk alone thinking about when I was walking with Tony.
Knowing that every brick I hit, he hit that brick about 10 more times than I have.
It's been one year now and the pain doesn't seem to get any better. I've met so many of your friends in this year.
All with memories in their heads.
Not a many memories that I have in mine.
So I keep living my life with yours on my mind always.
I miss you Tony. Love James
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