A picture taken of Tony's brother James, Allen and sister Liz on November 1, 1999.
Every birthday and anniversary Liz, James and myself spend the day alone at Kettle Cove

Published in The Portland Newspapers
Composed by Tony's Mom, his Sister Liz and his brother James

NOVEMBER 1, 1998
"My Sweet Tony"
I can't believe a whole year has passed since I last saw your face
Your smile
Your remarkable, memorable eyes.
I'm still trying to accept the fact that you are gone
I miss you so very much.
Life without you seems so mechanical,
I go through the motions, not knowing what else to do.
It's like I'm standing still while life floats around me.
Your death consumes me...
Time passes too quickly, sometimes not fast enough.
I will keep your memory alive forever.
I love you so.
I'm sitting on a park bench.
So many face go by and none of them are yours.
In the strangest places I still expect to see you...
Your grin, the way you walked, the hugs you gave.
In this lifetime, none of that can ever happen again.
It's like the song,
'I can't wait 'til the day when I see your face again'
It hurts as much as it did a year ago.
I wish so much that I never had to write this
I Love You, Tony


Do you know how it feels to lose your big brother?
It's not like getting punched in the face.
It hurts inside.
It hurts in my memories.
The pain is so different than any other I have felt in my life.
It's not a pain I am good at expressing.
None of my friends see it.
Rarely, my family sees it.
But I feel it everyday.
Everyday I walk alone thinking about when I was walking with Tony.
Knowing that every brick I hit,
he hit that brick about 10 more times than I have.
It's been one year now and the pain doesn't seem to get any better.
I've met so many of your friends in this year.
All with memories in their heads.
Not a many memories that I have in mine.
So I keep living my life with yours on my mind always.
I miss you Tony


November 1, 1999
My Sweet Tony
I find it so hard to believe that it has been 2 years
since I last felt your hugs,
last saw your smile,
last saw the sparkle in your blue eyes.
The pain of missing you
grows stronger with every passing day.
The ache in my heart is so deep,
it is a wound that will never heal.
As I look at the faces of your
sister and brother,
I see flashes of you. In their smiles, in their eyes, in the sound of their laughter.
I will always feel close to you.
I will spend the rest of my life keeping your memory alive.
Love Mom
I am angry.
No, I am not angry at you for dying
I never was.
I'm angry that you were taken from us so quickly.
I'm angry that the people who did his to you will never know the pain that I feel.
I'm angry that I still miss you so much.
I'm angry that I have to wait forever to see you again.
But, I Love you still.
Sad Anniversary,
Love your sister, Liz
The last time I saw you, actually touched you.
You were under a sheet.
He moved the sheet,
I looked in disbelief, as if it were not real.
I cried.
I held you.
Cold, lifeless, pale, gone forever.
I scream but no one hears me.
The pain consumes me.
Inside and out.
Another year passes
and it is still fresh in my mind.
I will miss you forever.
Love your brother, James


"November 1, 2000"

I find it so hard to believe that 3 years ago you were taken away from me.
Somewhere between Halloween night and All Saints Day your life faded away.
I'll never understand why you had to be taken away from me at such an early age.
Before you were able to have a child of your own to cherish.
I'll never understand why.
I'll just never understand why...
The days go by so very fast - sometimes they seem endless.
Wondering what your life would be like if you were here on earth.
Knowing that you are in a much safer, better place now.
Wishing - wanting - needing to know that this is true.
I love you with all my heart and soul Tony - and I always will.


I miss my brother with all my heart.
There is a huge void in my life and in my soul.
TONY is that void.
I want my big brother back...
It has been a long time since everything went down.
I'm still trying to piece my life together and I hope I make it through it for Tony.
I have a baby girl coming in 3 months and I wish you were here to see her.
She will always have and Uncle Tony.

"Love James"

Tony - I don't know what to say.
I miss you and I love you.
"Your baby Sister Liz"

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